Season of Singleness.

Tis the season for engagements, baby announcements, and we added a new member to the family (puppy) posts.  Scrolling down my facebook feed, I can’t help but smile and be happy for all the life changes I see  friends going through. 

But what about those other friends who are in their season of singleness? Who are patiently waiting, trying to stay content in the midst of so much joy. Trying to remain happy for their sake, yet know deep down inside, they are being tormented by the questions that their family keeps asking them every holiday season.

You know those questions, that aren’t really anyone’s business, yet people seem to think it’s okay to ask, not realizing how painful it may be for someone who is struggling with being content in their season of singleness.  

I know I discussed this before, but I remember the first time I was asked when I was getting a boyfriend. During the holidays it's the worst. The questions kept coming. How come I never dated? How come I never bring any boys around? When you going to start a family and give them grandbabies? I even got asked if I was gay. LAWD It was hard going through the holiday season being single to be honest, but I never rushed into a relationship just to have that void filled. And neither should you.

During my season of singleness I learned a few things that I would love to share with anyone who is experiencing the feelings I felt during my season.

- God’s timing is everything. I didn't let other people's opinions play a part of my love story. I just would smile and keep it moving trying to change the subject as quick as possible.  

-You can’t force what God didn’t bring together.

-A man not after God’s own heart, shouldn’t be trying to chase after mine. I will not compromise my relationship with God for someone who is temporary.

-When I began to carry myself like royalty, like the queen that I was, I attract royalty. No explanation needed.

-I needed to spend as much time praying than wishing for a man to come into my life when I was never ready. God wasn’t done working through me. There’s was so much growth to take place.

-My season of singleness wasn’t  in vain. God was preparing me for something far bigger/better than I could ever imagine.

-No matter the circumstances, I will learn how to be content. I will walk through faith, trusting that God will see me through, giving me the strength I needed.

-There’s nothing wrong with me. I was learning importance of patience and keeping my eyes fixed on God when I began to feel lonely.

-Being single did not mean that I was available to just anyone. My heart belonged to Jesus and if I couldn’t see Jesus radiate through them, it was a no go.

-Before loving someone else, I had to learn the importance of truly loving myself. Allowing my heart to heal from past relationships. Not bringing old bricks into a new relationship and expecting to build a new house with the same foundation and materials.

-I had to learn how to let go and move on, rather than dwelling on the hurt that I was caused. That God restores and comforts.

I had to remind myself that no relationship could ever make me satisfied like my relationship with God. He was the only one who never disappointed, never let me down, but always loved me through it all. He was the best decision I ever made & to this day I can say the same.

Through my obedience and faithfully trusting in His timing, God gave me my husband. I mean when I tell you I love this man so much, I really do, but he could never replace the love I have for my Father. My husband isn't perfect and isn't called to be my savior. He's my best friend I get to do life with. He's my biggest supporter, my better half, but by no means will he ever satisfy me like God does. And for that I am so thankful.

We are in this together, we make mistakes, we fail each other at times, but the most important thing is chasing after God together. My advice for those in the season of singleness, spend time growing closer to God. Be aware of those trying to cuff you because of their loneliness. Protect your heart by not putting yourself in a situation that can lead you astray. You got kingdom business you have to attend to. (Flips hair) Use this time to focus on yourself, being selfish, doing what you love. You deserve it. Cause let me tell you when you get married, selfishness has to be put aside.

You are not Alone.

I remember a couple years back when I moved to a new state and felt so alone. It was strange because I was so excited, yet my nerves made me feel all types of emotions. Loneliness being one of them. I left not only my fiance and family, but everything that felt comfortable to me, to move somewhere I had no idea about.

I met people, became close with a few, but you know sometimes even in a crowd of people you can still feel lonely. Yet, you are not alone.  There are many people who are dealing with these same feelings that you are experiencing. And you know what, so have I.  

I’ve have dealt with a  season of loneliness in my life, more than once to be honest. I felt like I was on my own with no support from anyone, yet I had plenty. It was like I was purposely isolating myself because it made me feel less ashamed to want to talk about it. I didn’t want people to know that I was struggling with this because I didn’t want to face this pain I was feeling nor have people judge me.

I  felt so distant from God. I felt like he didn’t care, nor was he listening to my prayers and cries for  his love. I longed for answers, craved for a connection, for some direction on my life, yet I heard nothing but silence. I felt my heart cry out like David, “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears” (Psalm 18:6). I prayed harder, yet nothing.

Being lonely, allowed me to realize a few things. Through this season, where I felt so alone, God was with me all along. He never left me. I grew to truly understand His promise that he would never leave me. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). So many troubling situations in life can leave you feeling alone and insecure, but God is a “very present help” at all times. It was through prayer, I was able to focus more on Him and less on my circumstances. I began to understand the importance of being vulnerable and sharing what I was dealing with rather than trying to figure out what to do on my own.

Have you ever heard the saying if you give the devil an inch, he’ll try to become a ruler? He not only tried to play with my mind when I was alone, but tried to make me seem like God had abandoned me and that wasn’t the case at all.  “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). As long as I desired His presence, there will never come a time when God will leave me to fend for myself and I receive that.

When you begin to feed into those lies and allow them to take root into your mind, you began to believe them. That’s why it is so important to talk with someone about your emotions and what you are feeling. 9 out 10 someone has dealt with the same thing and or can relate to your situation.

We’ve all felt lost, whether that be through a breakup, death of a loved one, being let go from your job, having people walk out on you, broken friendships, etc. We’ve all been through it and know how it feels to experience some sense of loneliness. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Sometimes it’s through your brokenness that leaves you feeling lonely, but the Lord promises to heal the wounds and hold you close to Him. And to be honest, there will be more than once you will go through this season. It’s fully trusting and believing that God will be with you through it all. The tears, the heartaches, pain, hurt, frustration, lack of sleep. He will comfort you, heal, and restore.

My encouragement to anyone who is dealing with this right now, is to let you know, you are not alone. You don’t have to go through this alone. God hears you. He is listening. He has never left, nor does he intend too.  Sometimes through our seasons of feeling like we have been abandoned, God shows up and shows out  in miraculous ways.“Be strong and of good courage … for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6). God  is on your team, and He will never leave you. That’s a promise.

Here’s a few other resources for those needing someone you can talk to when you feel like you have no one. I hope this helps you and encourages you, because you are not alone.

National suicide prevention lifeline  Call 1-800-273-8255

The Hopeline Call  1-800-394-HOPE (4673)

Safe place Hotline (212) 673-3000

Needing somone to talk to: https://www.7cups.com/

Why I gave up.

It scares me sometimes that I have been out of college for two years & still trying to figure out what I am to do with myself. I know for some, they may have opportunities right after college to do their dream jobs, but for some that’s just not the case. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some amazing opportunities working for other people’s company, but nothing has really jumped out at me, & you know what, that’s okay.

I believe as a society we place so much pressure on ourselves to have our dream jobs, homes, cars, significant other, etc. We want to seem like we have the best and doing the best, which I’m not knocking anyone’s hustle, more power to you. But for those who didn’t leave college with their dream jobs, or future husband, it’s okay.

Such high expectations are being put on having exactly everything planned out. Like a step by step manual has been set in place, but let's be real, no such thing exists. Life has a funny way with showing us lessons and teaching us that everything doesn’t come easy.

I know for me, I struggled with not having everything together. When it came to my career and having everything sorted out by the age 25, I wanted to start a family, be married, have my dream job, but things just didn’t work out the way I planned it, and you know what, I’m okay with that.

I’ve learned the importance of working extremely hard and going after I want. Nothing has ever just been handed to me. I’ve had to work twice as hard to be where I am today. It wasn’t until I gave up trying to do everything according to my timing that I was able to fully trust in God’s timing.

Yeah, I may not have everything I’ve ever dreamed of just yet, but I will. That’s just it, I’m a fighter. God knows the desires of my heart and yours. He sees your potential when no one else does. He is working on something so much bigger that we can’t even see nor comprehend. If we keep my eyes fixed on him and not our circumstances, we know he will place people in our lives that will help push us to achieve our goals.

So for those who are struggling with this season of your life of feeling like you don’t have everything all together, feeling like a failure, a disappointed to your family because you aren’t where you want to be in life. Need I remind you of Joseph’s situation.

I’m sure Joseph couldn’t see the bigger picture when God allowed him to be sold into slavery so he could save not just his family, but a whole nation to be exact. Joseph had to suffer as a slave and a prisoner before God appointed him as a ruler over Egypt. Your season shouldn’t define you. God is working on your story, don’t allow what you are going through to hinder you from seeing where God is about to take you.

So please don’t start doubting yourself. Know that God isn’t done writing your story. He wants you to know that through your obedience and faithfulness while you wait, he will bless you ten fold. So when you are going through a season of feeling defeated, just remember the importance of humble beginnings.

 
-From one Queen to another