A letter to the woman who had her heart taken for granted

Breakups isn’t something every woman longs for, nor is it desired. As women, we long for intimacy. From a young age we dreamed of our wedding. And if you were like me, made a long unrealistic list of all the qualities I wanted in a husband. We desire to be loved, to be treasured, to have our hearts protected, never harmed.

I remember the first time I got into my first serious relationship. The excitement and newness everything felt to me. From having someone open doors for me, to feeling butterflies in my stomach, and having that smile that never seemed to disappear. Those stages in a relationship that made you feel like you were on cloud nine and no one could take you off.

You think to yourself, this is the man I’m going to spend forever with. The one who I can see myself marrying, the one who will be my best friend forever. But then things start to change, feelings start to change, people start to change. Everything that you expected and wanted, didn’t work out the way you planned and you’re left confused why and in pain. (Matt 11:28-30)

So as she begins to process everything that just happened, she tries to find ways of how things could have worked or should have for that matter. She begins blaming herself, asking what she could have done differently. What could she have done to make him want to stay. She begins beating herself up, not sure why no one seems to love her. (Ps 34:18)  

Although she cannot see the pain that is hindering her growth, she continues searching for reasons to make things work. She can’t seem to let go in fear that there will never be someone like him. Someone who she can ever love the way she once loved him. She lays in bed crying for hours replaying over and over in her head the memories that they had created, trying to relive the sweet moments that are no longer her reality.  (Ps 71:20)

She tries her hardest to walk around with the smile on her face, letting those around her know that she is okay. Yet, she is screaming on the inside wanting someone to take her by the hand and tell her that she’s strong and will make it through it. (Is 41:3) She just wants someone to share her brokenness with without feeling like she will be pushed aside, because soon enough, her pain becomes like a broken record player and everyone around her is tired hearing about her past relationship.

She cries out to God in her bedroom asking why me. Why do I have to go through this pain, this feeling of having someone just tear my heart right out of me, leaving me feeling so lonely. (Rom 8:18) This pain that caused me to shut everyone out, not trusting anyone because I’m afraid of being hurt again. You see, it was never easy letting people in, but I gave him the chance to prove me wrong, yet he failed me.

God wiped away her tears, and covered her with a blanket of his warmth and comfort. He said, “ My daughter, though you may be hurting, joy comes in the morning. There will be a time when you will look back on this situation and thank me for saving you from something that may have harmed you. For I have something far better, something far greater for you, if you just trust Me.” (Jer 29:11) As she begins to wipe away her tears and continue praying to God, she asks for strength because some days are harder than others. She prayed for courage because it’s not easy not knowing what’s to come. She asked for healing because what she’s been put through, she doesn’t ever want to go through again. (Prov 3:5-6)

She understood that healing doesn’t just happen overnight. It was a process that involved allowing God to pull on the reins of her heart and patch of the wounds that once left empty holes and unhealed scars. It was then that she accepted that letting go was better than being dragged around expecting to be picked up by the one that left her broken into pieces. (Ps 147:3)

It was then she began spending less time worrying about what could have been and started putting her attention on God, serving Him wholeheartedly. It was then she saw that the light at the end of the tunnel and felt herself start to feel her normal self again. It was then she realized that the pain that she went through grew her and made her stronger. It instilled in her this other side of her she didn’t know existed. It was the power of learning to let go. Even if letting go meant losing something she thought was what she needed.

All of those nights of tears, turned into joy when she was able to move on and keep her heart guarded and protected for the special one that she would one day get to marry. She knew that she had to make sure every aspect of her life was aligned with God before she could see herself in a relationship that was not centered around God. She knew her worth, knew what she deserved, and from here on out, was able to love again.

Lust isn't Love.

Fleshly desires are easily mistaken, leading one to believe that they are in love. It’s easy to have your vision distorted when your heart is feeling this burning sensation to feel loved. This so called love, can be hidden and disguised as nothing better than lust. You think because someone can temporarily satisfy your desires to feel loved and wanted, there’s no need for God to do the same. The mind says, well I can’t have both. I must choose where I will spend all my time, whom I will give all my love, and how I can give that person my all in exchange for them to show that they truly care and desire to spend forever with me.

A few years later or maybe even months, when those feelings are no longer as strong as they once were. Your heart feels this void that can not be touched nor filled by worldly possessions, or the affections that once spark these emotions causing you to be blinded by this thing called love. You begin to question whether you are doing all that you can to keep the relationship afloat. You are searching for answers, that cannot be found because you know what to do in order to find the truth in knowing that God is the only one that can truly satisfy.

It is why so many women spend their lives giving themselves up to men that don’t see their worth, who don’t even desire to get to know their hearts. If they can get them into bed, they have done their part in satisfying their own sexual desires and pleasures leaving the woman to feel even emptier inside. She thinks to herself, why am I not worth the love that I deserve and desire. Why can’t I be shown this love that is displayed in Songs of Songs between two lovers, that love that allowed Ruth to become a queen to her Boaz, a love displayed between both Abraham and Sarah, a Queen like Esther who was destined to be married to her King.

You see, in the midst of her insecurities, she searches for love but never realizes that she’s been looking in all the wrong places. Believing that if she was to give herself to just anyone to have a glimpse of someone to show her love, then maybe she can feel loved, even if it’s short lived. She longs for that intimacy, that desire to know someone cares for her. Her childhood experiences, scarred with painful memories and distasteful affection shown in her household, caused her to not know what she is truly worth.

She continues to search, not understanding the difference between lust and love and commonly mistakes it as one. She sees no value in herself so how can she expect for men to see her worth.  She can’t see how her pain has hindered her from allowing her to see how she is hurting herself with the decisions she makes. She cries herself to sleep confused how she still haven’t filled this emptiness that dwells in her heart. She doesn’t know that God heals. He can take her weaknesses and make them her strength.

After being in the darkest place in her life, she reaches out to God for help. Asking God to rescue her from herself. She knows even though she been lost and distant from God, he still is faithful. She stopped searching for that so called “love” and started seeking after unconditional love. That love that no man can even come close to fill the void that she once felt. It was no longer lust that seemed to keep her deeply rooted in her pain, but that love that was bought with a price and easily gained. That love that only God could give her.

It was then she began to see her worth and value. It was then she no longer gave herself to just anybody and everybody, but began to save herself for her future spouse. Making a vow between her and God, that she would no longer give her body for temporary pleasures, but save herself for her wedding day. It was then she saw the importance of truly knowing her worth in God and began to carry herself with confidence.

She began to see herself as a Queen and began attracting nothing but royalty. She was focused on her relationship with the King, that whoever pursued her had to go through her Lord before he could get close to her. It was then, she saw the importance of waiting for God to order her steps, guiding her throughout her life.

God not only turned her hurt and pain into her testimony, but gave her this new found love that many people can never seem to find because they seek a love that won’t lead nowhere but to the bedroom, and a broken heart. But is that really love? A man can satisfy, but emotionally can be far away not even there. It’s that lust that can easily blind and cloud the real love that God designed for us to experience.

That love that is everlasting no matter how much we fail and mess up. Cause let’s face it, we are human and will disappoint. But guess who never will switch up on us when the going gets tough? God’s love remains in us because if God is in us, then we will always have love, because God is love. No matter how much a person may love you, they can never love you the way God does.

People  will disappoint and even cause you hurt, but God’s love is unconditional. So protect your heart and guard your mind from those temporary pleasures. Ask God for strength and healing because it will not be an easy task. It’s going to be painful letting go of old habits and unhealthy relationships, but it’s a must.  Not everyone deserves the treasure that you are. It must be kept for the one who will secure it for a lifetime. Remember you are a jewel, nothing less.