Breakups isn’t something every woman longs for, nor is it desired. As women, we long for intimacy. From a young age we dreamed of our wedding. And if you were like me, made a long unrealistic list of all the qualities I wanted in a husband. We desire to be loved, to be treasured, to have our hearts protected, never harmed.
I remember the first time I got into my first serious relationship. The excitement and newness everything felt to me. From having someone open doors for me, to feeling butterflies in my stomach, and having that smile that never seemed to disappear. Those stages in a relationship that made you feel like you were on cloud nine and no one could take you off.
You think to yourself, this is the man I’m going to spend forever with. The one who I can see myself marrying, the one who will be my best friend forever. But then things start to change, feelings start to change, people start to change. Everything that you expected and wanted, didn’t work out the way you planned and you’re left confused why and in pain. (Matt 11:28-30)
So as she begins to process everything that just happened, she tries to find ways of how things could have worked or should have for that matter. She begins blaming herself, asking what she could have done differently. What could she have done to make him want to stay. She begins beating herself up, not sure why no one seems to love her. (Ps 34:18)
Although she cannot see the pain that is hindering her growth, she continues searching for reasons to make things work. She can’t seem to let go in fear that there will never be someone like him. Someone who she can ever love the way she once loved him. She lays in bed crying for hours replaying over and over in her head the memories that they had created, trying to relive the sweet moments that are no longer her reality. (Ps 71:20)
She tries her hardest to walk around with the smile on her face, letting those around her know that she is okay. Yet, she is screaming on the inside wanting someone to take her by the hand and tell her that she’s strong and will make it through it. (Is 41:3) She just wants someone to share her brokenness with without feeling like she will be pushed aside, because soon enough, her pain becomes like a broken record player and everyone around her is tired hearing about her past relationship.
She cries out to God in her bedroom asking why me. Why do I have to go through this pain, this feeling of having someone just tear my heart right out of me, leaving me feeling so lonely. (Rom 8:18) This pain that caused me to shut everyone out, not trusting anyone because I’m afraid of being hurt again. You see, it was never easy letting people in, but I gave him the chance to prove me wrong, yet he failed me.
God wiped away her tears, and covered her with a blanket of his warmth and comfort. He said, “ My daughter, though you may be hurting, joy comes in the morning. There will be a time when you will look back on this situation and thank me for saving you from something that may have harmed you. For I have something far better, something far greater for you, if you just trust Me.” (Jer 29:11) As she begins to wipe away her tears and continue praying to God, she asks for strength because some days are harder than others. She prayed for courage because it’s not easy not knowing what’s to come. She asked for healing because what she’s been put through, she doesn’t ever want to go through again. (Prov 3:5-6)
She understood that healing doesn’t just happen overnight. It was a process that involved allowing God to pull on the reins of her heart and patch of the wounds that once left empty holes and unhealed scars. It was then that she accepted that letting go was better than being dragged around expecting to be picked up by the one that left her broken into pieces. (Ps 147:3)
It was then she began spending less time worrying about what could have been and started putting her attention on God, serving Him wholeheartedly. It was then she saw that the light at the end of the tunnel and felt herself start to feel her normal self again. It was then she realized that the pain that she went through grew her and made her stronger. It instilled in her this other side of her she didn’t know existed. It was the power of learning to let go. Even if letting go meant losing something she thought was what she needed.
All of those nights of tears, turned into joy when she was able to move on and keep her heart guarded and protected for the special one that she would one day get to marry. She knew that she had to make sure every aspect of her life was aligned with God before she could see herself in a relationship that was not centered around God. She knew her worth, knew what she deserved, and from here on out, was able to love again.