Monday, April 8, 2019

To the girl that felt pressured

She woke this morning with a heaviness on her heart as she began her morning carrying the weight from yesterday’s worries. Instead of taking time this morning to work on herself, getting her spirit in tune with the Spirit, she found herself on her social media scrolling. Looking through the lives of others. Not realizing the seeds of anxiety began to become rooted in her heart. 

She became so distracted with what others were doing, she began to feel like she wasn’t doing enough, didn’t have enough, and was fighting her daily flesh as she battled with her emotions. She heard over and over that she had to focus on herself, but how could she when everyone around her seemed to be progressing? She fell as though she was barely moving forward with her goals she set for herself. 

She found herself doubting herself because other people’s voices and opinions became the loudest voice that filled the space, causing fear. She kept telling herself, “well maybe I’ll just stick to what I know best.” Getting comfortable with seeing herself through the eyes of others making it hard for her to surpass that expectation and self image she felt like she had to keep up. 

Every mistake she made, she would beat herself up about. She felt like she had to be perfect just like the girls she saw through social media, not realizing the damage it was doing to her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It was draining her. She felt like she had to keep up with the trends, to stay relevant. 

She wanted to stop these feelings, these emotions that robbed her of her joy. She didn’t want to compare and compete with others, she wanted to stay focused on her own dreams. So why was it so hard for her? Why did she feel the need to rush things in order for her to feel like she was succeeding? 

You see the enemy had a very strategic way of getting her isolated so he could use her mind as a battlefield for him to throw at her all the things she wasn’t doing. He wanted her to beat herself up and compare every area of here life with people on the internet. That way she would be so consumed with sadness, that she became paralyzed by fear. 

And she did just that. 

One day she ended up sneaking off to the library and found herself buried inside the pages of a book that was feeding her spirit and bringing her smile back. As she began to flip through the pages, she realized the importance of chapters. Each page played a key role of this story, which made up a chapter. Without a page, or a few skipped, important information would be missed. 

Just like her story, she realized she didn’t have to feel like she had to complete 6 chapters in one month or even a year. Each day represented a page. She had to decide whether she wanted to fill that page with joy or write all the negative things that seemed to keep her from seeing all the good God was doing in her life. 

It was that moment in the library, God revealed to her that she wasn’t where she wanted to be, because she wasn’t quite ready to be where he was taking her. The time that was needed for her to prepare for the next level, she spent wishing and doubting that she could be anything more that what others had labeled her. 

She really had a wake up call when she finally took the time in her life to slow down take a deep breath and see what was truly happening. She had to really call it like it was and see the value she placed on other people validating her worth instead of how God saw her. She had to ask herself daily, how can I press more into God and less into my emotions? 

She had to rely on God and understand that her gifts that he placed within her, could not be taken away. She was so special and unique that regardless how long it took her to shine, God was going to use her for his Kingdom glory. She really had to look herself in the mirror and see all the things she needed to be thankful for. All the progress she had made, matter. 

All the things she failed at, was only feedback to what she could learn to improve on. Nothing she faced was in vain. Even though she had to decide each day to fight for her voice to be heard over other people’s opinions that once held her captive. That was no longer her story. The pressure to be perfect, to have it all together, to portray this image that every move was successful, wasn’t as impressive when she understood that God isn’t looking for all of that. He wanted to meet her where she was at, help her catch her breath, and walk alongside her as she begin to put one foot in front of the other, as she stepped into freedom.