Wednesday, May 10, 2017

A letter to the woman who felt like giving up.

There has been days where we have all felt like giving up because we felt so overwhelmed with everything in our lives. From relationships, work, being a student, failed friendships, maintaining a relationship with God, in my case marriage and others balancing being a mother, the list goes on and on. All of the things needing to get done, yet keep getting put off due to unexpected circumstances and not being able to say no when you knew you couldn’t add another thing to your plate.

The season of busyness start to take over and the feeling of not being able to grasp the responsibilities that keep piling up. It’s a never ending cycle of battling with being consistent and productive with the time you have been gifted. You start to feel like everything you onced had planned out and under control, was no longer laying out the way you wanted to. You began to feel like she was drowning and had no one to save you.

As she  began to grow frustrated, just tired from this continual storm that felt like it was never ending. This storm that seemed to toss her mind around with thoughts of, “You aren’t good enough” “You don’t have what it takes to get your life in order” “You are going to fail no matter what you end up doing” “This season of your life is permanent and won’t ever change” all these lies began to tear away the joy that once resided in her soul. She grew weary, just ready to lay down and give up. Dig herself a hole and never come out. She shed so many tears, seeking a savior, someone who could save her, not knowing that Jesus was right along side her ready for her to surrender.

She spent nights just pouring  her heart out to God, asking his strength to keep going. She was so close throwing in the towel, because if she quits, she wouldn’t have the burden that she tried to carry on her own. She tried time after time to give it over to God, but it was hard for her to hand over the control that made her feel like she had some power over. She wrestled with the fact that once it was in God’s hands, she needed to let go and allow God full control.

After battling with her insecurities, her fears of failure and lack of trust, she was able to see the beauty that surrounded her among the midst of the struggles that seemed to drown her. She began to see her storms as blessings. Despite the mess it made, or caused her, she knew in the middle of her test, God was with her. She knew that no matter how overwhelmed she felt, she was covered by the protection that lead her to her destiny.

Letting go wasn’t something that came natural to her. She didn’t like the uncertainty that came with leaving behind something that seemed so familiar. It was the comfort of her heart, the warmth that came with having something so special being cut away because it was no longer bringing growth, yet she knew it was time. She knew that it became a hinderance to her future, but why did she feel the need to say goodbye, even though her heart was screaming on the inside to stay?

It was the pain she knew and felt within that made her see the value of only allowing the good she needed, to flow from her life. She had to get rid of excess baggage that was weighing down the joy in her life, causing her to not feel the spirit that once dwelled in her soul. She could feel the ties being cut and the wounds it caused, but she had to do what was best for her. She knew for in order for her to have a relationship with God, she had to learn the true definition of loving herself.

She began her morning finding different ways to love the skin she was in. She began spending quiet time with her Father, pursuing this unconditional love that she never experienced until she began seeking after Him. It was these mornings where she discovered who she was and how bad her soul was impoverished, longing for this love that only God could fulfill. It was then she realized that she was drowning in everything because she wasn’t meant to go through life alone.

The feelings that once flooded her mind with wanting to quit, to give up because the world seemed like it was caving in on her, no longer clouded her vision of the goodness and truth that God had revealed to her. She saw how strong and powerful she was when she gave up and let God take the lead in her life. She didn’t have to go through the storms by herself, she had God who was on the boat all along. When she called on Him, he calmed the storms and filled her soul with peace that quieted the cries of her terrified heart.