Season of Singleness.

Tis the season for engagements, baby announcements, and we added a new member to the family (puppy) posts.  Scrolling down my facebook feed, I can’t help but smile and be happy for all the life changes I see  friends going through. 

But what about those other friends who are in their season of singleness? Who are patiently waiting, trying to stay content in the midst of so much joy. Trying to remain happy for their sake, yet know deep down inside, they are being tormented by the questions that their family keeps asking them every holiday season.

You know those questions, that aren’t really anyone’s business, yet people seem to think it’s okay to ask, not realizing how painful it may be for someone who is struggling with being content in their season of singleness.  

I know I discussed this before, but I remember the first time I was asked when I was getting a boyfriend. During the holidays it's the worst. The questions kept coming. How come I never dated? How come I never bring any boys around? When you going to start a family and give them grandbabies? I even got asked if I was gay. LAWD It was hard going through the holiday season being single to be honest, but I never rushed into a relationship just to have that void filled. And neither should you.

During my season of singleness I learned a few things that I would love to share with anyone who is experiencing the feelings I felt during my season.

- God’s timing is everything. I didn't let other people's opinions play a part of my love story. I just would smile and keep it moving trying to change the subject as quick as possible.  

-You can’t force what God didn’t bring together.

-A man not after God’s own heart, shouldn’t be trying to chase after mine. I will not compromise my relationship with God for someone who is temporary.

-When I began to carry myself like royalty, like the queen that I was, I attract royalty. No explanation needed.

-I needed to spend as much time praying than wishing for a man to come into my life when I was never ready. God wasn’t done working through me. There’s was so much growth to take place.

-My season of singleness wasn’t  in vain. God was preparing me for something far bigger/better than I could ever imagine.

-No matter the circumstances, I will learn how to be content. I will walk through faith, trusting that God will see me through, giving me the strength I needed.

-There’s nothing wrong with me. I was learning importance of patience and keeping my eyes fixed on God when I began to feel lonely.

-Being single did not mean that I was available to just anyone. My heart belonged to Jesus and if I couldn’t see Jesus radiate through them, it was a no go.

-Before loving someone else, I had to learn the importance of truly loving myself. Allowing my heart to heal from past relationships. Not bringing old bricks into a new relationship and expecting to build a new house with the same foundation and materials.

-I had to learn how to let go and move on, rather than dwelling on the hurt that I was caused. That God restores and comforts.

I had to remind myself that no relationship could ever make me satisfied like my relationship with God. He was the only one who never disappointed, never let me down, but always loved me through it all. He was the best decision I ever made & to this day I can say the same.

Through my obedience and faithfully trusting in His timing, God gave me my husband. I mean when I tell you I love this man so much, I really do, but he could never replace the love I have for my Father. My husband isn't perfect and isn't called to be my savior. He's my best friend I get to do life with. He's my biggest supporter, my better half, but by no means will he ever satisfy me like God does. And for that I am so thankful.

We are in this together, we make mistakes, we fail each other at times, but the most important thing is chasing after God together. My advice for those in the season of singleness, spend time growing closer to God. Be aware of those trying to cuff you because of their loneliness. Protect your heart by not putting yourself in a situation that can lead you astray. You got kingdom business you have to attend to. (Flips hair) Use this time to focus on yourself, being selfish, doing what you love. You deserve it. Cause let me tell you when you get married, selfishness has to be put aside.

You are not Alone.

I remember a couple years back when I moved to a new state and felt so alone. It was strange because I was so excited, yet my nerves made me feel all types of emotions. Loneliness being one of them. I left not only my fiance and family, but everything that felt comfortable to me, to move somewhere I had no idea about.

I met people, became close with a few, but you know sometimes even in a crowd of people you can still feel lonely. Yet, you are not alone.  There are many people who are dealing with these same feelings that you are experiencing. And you know what, so have I.  

I’ve have dealt with a  season of loneliness in my life, more than once to be honest. I felt like I was on my own with no support from anyone, yet I had plenty. It was like I was purposely isolating myself because it made me feel less ashamed to want to talk about it. I didn’t want people to know that I was struggling with this because I didn’t want to face this pain I was feeling nor have people judge me.

I  felt so distant from God. I felt like he didn’t care, nor was he listening to my prayers and cries for  his love. I longed for answers, craved for a connection, for some direction on my life, yet I heard nothing but silence. I felt my heart cry out like David, “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears” (Psalm 18:6). I prayed harder, yet nothing.

Being lonely, allowed me to realize a few things. Through this season, where I felt so alone, God was with me all along. He never left me. I grew to truly understand His promise that he would never leave me. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). So many troubling situations in life can leave you feeling alone and insecure, but God is a “very present help” at all times. It was through prayer, I was able to focus more on Him and less on my circumstances. I began to understand the importance of being vulnerable and sharing what I was dealing with rather than trying to figure out what to do on my own.

Have you ever heard the saying if you give the devil an inch, he’ll try to become a ruler? He not only tried to play with my mind when I was alone, but tried to make me seem like God had abandoned me and that wasn’t the case at all.  “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). As long as I desired His presence, there will never come a time when God will leave me to fend for myself and I receive that.

When you begin to feed into those lies and allow them to take root into your mind, you began to believe them. That’s why it is so important to talk with someone about your emotions and what you are feeling. 9 out 10 someone has dealt with the same thing and or can relate to your situation.

We’ve all felt lost, whether that be through a breakup, death of a loved one, being let go from your job, having people walk out on you, broken friendships, etc. We’ve all been through it and know how it feels to experience some sense of loneliness. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Sometimes it’s through your brokenness that leaves you feeling lonely, but the Lord promises to heal the wounds and hold you close to Him. And to be honest, there will be more than once you will go through this season. It’s fully trusting and believing that God will be with you through it all. The tears, the heartaches, pain, hurt, frustration, lack of sleep. He will comfort you, heal, and restore.

My encouragement to anyone who is dealing with this right now, is to let you know, you are not alone. You don’t have to go through this alone. God hears you. He is listening. He has never left, nor does he intend too.  Sometimes through our seasons of feeling like we have been abandoned, God shows up and shows out  in miraculous ways.“Be strong and of good courage … for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6). God  is on your team, and He will never leave you. That’s a promise.

Here’s a few other resources for those needing someone you can talk to when you feel like you have no one. I hope this helps you and encourages you, because you are not alone.

National suicide prevention lifeline  Call 1-800-273-8255

The Hopeline Call  1-800-394-HOPE (4673)

Safe place Hotline (212) 673-3000

Needing somone to talk to: https://www.7cups.com/

Why I gave up.

It scares me sometimes that I have been out of college for two years & still trying to figure out what I am to do with myself. I know for some, they may have opportunities right after college to do their dream jobs, but for some that’s just not the case. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some amazing opportunities working for other people’s company, but nothing has really jumped out at me, & you know what, that’s okay.

I believe as a society we place so much pressure on ourselves to have our dream jobs, homes, cars, significant other, etc. We want to seem like we have the best and doing the best, which I’m not knocking anyone’s hustle, more power to you. But for those who didn’t leave college with their dream jobs, or future husband, it’s okay.

Such high expectations are being put on having exactly everything planned out. Like a step by step manual has been set in place, but let's be real, no such thing exists. Life has a funny way with showing us lessons and teaching us that everything doesn’t come easy.

I know for me, I struggled with not having everything together. When it came to my career and having everything sorted out by the age 25, I wanted to start a family, be married, have my dream job, but things just didn’t work out the way I planned it, and you know what, I’m okay with that.

I’ve learned the importance of working extremely hard and going after I want. Nothing has ever just been handed to me. I’ve had to work twice as hard to be where I am today. It wasn’t until I gave up trying to do everything according to my timing that I was able to fully trust in God’s timing.

Yeah, I may not have everything I’ve ever dreamed of just yet, but I will. That’s just it, I’m a fighter. God knows the desires of my heart and yours. He sees your potential when no one else does. He is working on something so much bigger that we can’t even see nor comprehend. If we keep my eyes fixed on him and not our circumstances, we know he will place people in our lives that will help push us to achieve our goals.

So for those who are struggling with this season of your life of feeling like you don’t have everything all together, feeling like a failure, a disappointed to your family because you aren’t where you want to be in life. Need I remind you of Joseph’s situation.

I’m sure Joseph couldn’t see the bigger picture when God allowed him to be sold into slavery so he could save not just his family, but a whole nation to be exact. Joseph had to suffer as a slave and a prisoner before God appointed him as a ruler over Egypt. Your season shouldn’t define you. God is working on your story, don’t allow what you are going through to hinder you from seeing where God is about to take you.

So please don’t start doubting yourself. Know that God isn’t done writing your story. He wants you to know that through your obedience and faithfulness while you wait, he will bless you ten fold. So when you are going through a season of feeling defeated, just remember the importance of humble beginnings.

 
-From one Queen to another

A letter to someone dealing with a heartbreak

Dear Queen,

Here's a quick letter that I once received when I was struggling after a breakup. I'm pretty sure I read this letter everyday for a solid year.  It seriously was a huge blessing to me whoever stuck this letter under my dorm room door six years ago, THANK YOU. From time to time, I still find myself reading this letter as a reminder of how much these words have impacted my life.

I pray Queen, as you find yourself reading this letter, that God will speak to you, that he would take away any pain, or hurt that you are going through. And if you are just reading this just because, that God will speak to you on another level. That you will see the importance on waiting on his timing. That contentment will not only be rewarding, but will also protect your heart from future pain.  So I hope this letter blesses you as it has me over the years.

Queen: 

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly & exclusively. But God says: “No not until you are satisfied  and fulfilled and content with living, loved by me alone, with giving yourselves totally and unreservedly to me alone. 

I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with me, exclusive of any other desires or longings.” “I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you that most thrilling plan existing, one that you can’t imagine. I want you to have the BEST!

Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting that satisfaction, expecting the greatest things, and know that I am.

Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait! “Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have received. 

Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and way up to me, or you will miss what I want to show you. “And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever imagine. 

You see, until you are ready and until the the one I have for you is ready ( I am working this very minute to have both of your ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied with me exclusively with me and the life I have planned and prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me…and this is perfect love.

“Dear One I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you utterly, I am God Almighty. Believe & be satisfied.”

Queen,

the current situations, circumstances, & struggles you are facing don't define you, nor do they make you any less than who God has made you to be. Trust me, there will be times where you will feel otherwise. That whatever you are dealing with, or going through, has full control over you, but it doesn't.

I've been going through the same thing these last couple weeks, but though it all, I've grown & learned so much about myself. I mean of course it wasn't easy nor was it something I wanted to go through, but God revealed so much that I wouldn't have seen if it wasn't for the circumstances I had been through.

Just like Elisha's prayer was for his servant, "Open his yes, Lord, so that he may see" has been the exact prayer that I've been praying. Praying for peace, understanding, & clarity.

Queen, be reminded, that what you are going through, will make you better than before. God has a purpose for everything under the sun. He has you going through fire, so you can be refined. He wants to not only mold you, but help define you. To reveal to you, who you are. For you to walk boldly, as pure royalty which you are.

My mother-in-law, a true definition of a Proverbs 31, stay spitting knowledge with me. She shared, "Some of the biggest promotions come after the enemy stirs up strife & discord. He will have you questioning everything you are doing, trying to dim your light. Pray & seek God in the chaos, that he will bring you peace. God may be trying to grow you in some areas, as well as stretch you. Conflict, hurt, bitterness, resentment will damp what you are trying to do. Ask God to help your heart to stay clear, clean for him."

And that's what its all about Queens, we are not fighting against flesh & blood, but against the enemy & his wickedness. We must stay prayed up, strapped with the full armor of God, (Ephesians 6:10-18) walking with the confidence knowing that God is with us, helping us fight.

" Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."

If the enemy didn't find you a threat to the kingdom, why would he feel the need to attack you? He finds you intimating, he knows that you are going to do great things for the Kingdom. Don't allow him to plant seeds that will take root. Ask God to kill those doubts, fears, frustrations, anger, whatever it is that is causing your mind to become cluttered. Hold every thought captive, guard not only your heart, but also your ears.

Relationships that are no longer helping you grow, but only drain you must go. As Queens, we learn that toxicity & negativity have no room in our hearts. We must continue to fully come prepared & equipped to fight whatever the enemy tries to throw at us. Cause listen ladies, we are more than conquerers, we are warriors, we are beautifully & wonderfully made, designed with purpose. Wear your crown boldly Queen.

A letter to a Queen.

Queen,

I know you know the importance of self love. If not, I would hope you would understand your value and worth. You my darling, are nothing but a diamond among the rough. A precious jewel that must be cherished & well taken care of. If you understood the process of a diamond, you would completely understand what I am trying to say.

Queen, you weren't created nor designed to be like anyone else. You were born to stand out to shine as bright as you choose. You are no longer breakable, but strong because you have been under pressure. You understand that the situations you go through isn't to harm you, but to make you stronger.

Just like a diamond, you will have rough spots that will need some cutting, (Yes, it will be painful, but is necessary for growth), where you need to be polished and examined closely by God, but who doesn't?  God not only takes time polishing you to be more like Him, but also closely examines your heart, mind, & spirit because out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

 Adamas, the greek word for diamond meaning unconquerable & indestructible which you are.  You are not cheap, nor is this gem found everywhere. It's rare, it's desirable but not everyone can survive under the pressure, but then again its not formed overnight. It takes time, so be patient in the process.

Queen, with this knowledge I want you to know that if a man wants to pursue you, he needs to know your value. He needs to know that you aren't just someone's late night_____,  (you can fill in the blank) but someone's daughter, a precious jewel that must be treasured.

But Queen, you must also know who you are in Christ before you decide that you want to invest in some relationship. Beware of wolves in sheep clothing. Know that your purpose that God has given you will not be belittled because they can't see your goals & where God is taking you. You must stand firm on your beliefs & not jepordize your purity for temporary pleasures.

Protect your heart, but also your mind. Any man that wants you, must work for your heart, but have to seek God first before they can even get close to yours. A diamond just isn't laying on top of soil, its buried 100 miles underground. It requires work, time, energy, all things that are required for any relationship to be successful.

So Queen, I will leave you with this...stop investing in relationships that leave you feeling drained and tired of always giving your 100 when they only want to give 50. It's not only wasting your time, but theirs. When you are constantly giving yourself to someone who doesn't take time to do the same, you will begin to resent them and that's not healthy. So make sure you choose wisely who you invest in.

I want you Queen to be successful, to know your worth, to see how you can change the world. That you have the knowledge & wisdom that can impact the next generation. That you're just at the beginning to something so amazing that God is going to do through you.

 Queen you must know that no man will ever take the place that God will fulfill. It just won't happen, nor will it end well. So whatever you do, continue seeking after Christ, wearing your crown proudly & boldly. Keep shining bright, not allowing any negativity & pettiness keep you from seeing your potential.

-From one Queen to another

Q&A pt 1

Queens,

It's been a while since I've wrote something to my beautiful sisters. I hope each & everyone of you who is reading this, is doing well, wearing your crowns bold & proudly. If not, my heart goes out to you. I know sometimes, somedays aren't always easy. There are times when you feel like giving up, times when you feel super stressed about relationships, school, finances, I mean the list can go on..but I just want y'all to know that you are not alone. Don't you even think about giving up. It's not an option. Whatever you are going through will not only stretch you, but show you growth within yourself. It will not only show you how strong you really are, but it will help you discover that you can't control everything, nor is it your job to do so, it's God's.

Lately, I've been getting a lot of messages from my sisters around the world, all having to do with guys. Some of it is exciting to read, because you are excited to share with me about your potential man, but some messages have been extra sad, I mean from break ups, to being cheated on, to stressful times in school, etc.

I just wanted to share what I've learned when it comes to dating. I'm no expert at all so bear with me. When I first starting dating, I was a college student. I know it may be surprising to many, but yes I was focused and didn't have time for men because my education was my ticket for a brighter future. I did know for a fact though, whoever I was going to date, it was going to be with a purpose. Not really a fond believer in wasting other people's time, nor did it seem right to date someone with no intentions of marriage.

Sometimes relationships don't work out, I can attest to that. I got my heart broken, thought I was never going to date again, & allowed my heart to grow hard towards men. I didn't want nothing to do with them. I was bitter, but God revealed so much to me through my singleness. He showed me a few things:

1. No man can ever satisfy me to the full capacity which God does.
2. No man should ever try to take the place where Jesus should be.
3. It's hard to love someone when you don't fully understand the importance of self love.
4. Priorities are a must, but God must be number one.
5. You can't change someone's faith or lack there of. It's not wise to date someone who isn't heading in the same direction as you as in being equally yoked.
6. Don't ever lower your standards for someone that you think has all the qualities, but stays only at his potential.
7. Don't jeopardize your faith, because when all else fails, God never will.
8. Trust in the process of waiting. Stop trying to rush being in a relationship. When the timing is right, God will bless you with someone who will cherish you.
9. Don't get so busy with your significant other, that you begin to neglect your friends.
10. Always be in constant prayer for whoever you are dating, no matter what.

God didn't intend for us to have to handle broken hearts and endless nights of crying, but we live in a broken world. God does want you Queens to be reminded, that even though your heart may be hurting, He is there to comfort you, to heal you, to restore whatever pain you are going through. God wants what's best for you, and if it means taking something away, whether its a relationship, or friendship to give you something even better, trust Him.

He knows what He's doing. He knows what you can handle. He knows what's going on in your heart. He feels your pain, he knows your burden, but I know for a fact, He won't let you go through it alone. He loves you Queens. He wants you to know that your situations you may be going through, isn't in vain. It has a purpose, you have a purpose. So don't give up.  God loves you more than you even know, He knew you before you were even born, He understands you when no one does, He sees your potential, He knows the outcome. I love you Queens, so don't ever think you have to go through whatever alone. Wear your crowns boldly & proudly no matter what you may be going through. You are royalty. Nothing less.
                                                             -From one Queen to another

Life with the Rush's