Tuesday, August 27, 2019

To the girl who felt isolated

She was in the middle of this weird season. Not really sure how to feel or even what she needed to do to get out of this funk that made her feel so stuck. She tried including herself in many social events, even signed herself up for some classes at her local gym.  She wanted with everything in her to get away from the loneliness that seemed to follow her. The busyness of her schedule didn’t seem to affect the late nights that seemed to keep her up at night. She longed for clarity in understanding this new transition that left her feeling so isolated—so alone. 

As she continue through these long days that seemed to weigh heavy on her, she began asking herself the questions that brought tears down her cheeks,” God am I not good enough?” “Is there something I seem to be missing?” Something I need to be doing?” “Is there something wrong with me”

 These questions carried so much pain in her voice as she began to tear herself a part. Not aware of the damage she was doing to herself, she began filling her mind with thoughts that brought nothing by more hurt. She just wanted to know that everything was going to be okay. From her point of view, things were not looking up for her. She felt the lowest she’s ever been. 

Maybe it just wasn’t her time. It sure felt like the opportunities around her, the blessings she was praying for, were no where in sight. Whatever was standing in the way of her and the very things she longed for, seemed like forever away. She just knew this couldn’t be all that she was living for. She knew there was more for her. More that God had planned for her. These feelings weren’t permanent just temporary. 

She began having brighter days knowing that what she was going through wasn’t the final say of her story. She knew without a doubt it was just a chapter being written. Just this chapter seemed so much longer than her previous ones. Instead of asking God why, she began saying, “God what is it you want me to learn from this season?” She did less complaining & more evaluating. Reflecting on what God was teaching her. She started seeing things through his lens rather than her own. 

Less comparing her journey to her friends, or people on the internet she didn’t even know, and more focused on bettering herself. Finding new ways to heal. Whatever felt like was stealing her joy, robbing her peace, she set in place boundaries. She knew what needed to be done to keep her from becoming depleted.

 If there was one thing she learned in this season, it was that she wasn’t alone. Many people shared the same story as her, some just weren’t comfortable sharing. She wanted to share her story because she knew it would help someone understand the difference in seasons that we go through. 

No season is alike. Each season brings different things to the table. Some fruit, some thorns, even weeds. God really used this season to reel her back in, to get her at her most vulnerable state, so she could solely rely on him. To give herself over to him, fully trusting that he has her best interest at heart even if she wasn’t able to see it. Even if she couldn’t see the final outcome. She knew that this season wasn’t forever, and that kept her heart at peace.